Share a joke with us.

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devilbatista

Ok, Here are the jokes which I have seen, heard, read.

In a second

A poor man walking in the forest feels close enough to God to ask,
"God, what is a million years to you?" God replies, "My son, a
million years to you is like a second to me." The man asks, "God,
what is a million dollars to you?"God replies, "My son, a million
dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It means almost nothing to
me." The man asks, "So God, can I have a million dollars?" And God
replies, "In a second."
 
D

devilbatista

Ok, Here is another one.

Doctor and Patient

Patient : I am a problem.
Doctor : Yes, say that.
Patient : When it happens when I can only hear people's voice but can't see them ?
Doctor : When you talk on mobile.
 
D

devilbatista

Lawyer Joke

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"
 
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devilbatista

Ok, Here's another one.

Smart maid

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called
a family meeting.


Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the
phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.


Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work
telephone


Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.
 

jaibin

Yellow Belt
Telephone number for Jack

Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Blond Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

---------------------
Jaibin
 

haunter

Yellow Belt
Teacher: Why are you late?

3 yr old Student: I'm going to get a baby brother.

Teacher: How do you know it's a baby brother?

Student: Last year my mom had a stomach ache and I got a baby sis. Today, my dad had a stomach ache. So, it's sure a baby brother!

-------------------------
Haunter
 
S

Seoâ„¢

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back. "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said: "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah... My wife!"
 
S

Seoâ„¢

Another one :)

EVER LOVE A SOFTWARE GIRL

EVER LOVE A SOFTWARE GIRL ....

Never marry a Testing girl since she always doubts U ..

Never marry a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.

Never marry a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.

Never marry a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.

Never marry a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.

Never marry a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.

Never marry a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.

Never marry a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.

Never marry a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.

Never marry a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles ..

Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY


MARRY A GIRL FROM A "HARD"WARE FAMILY, THEN..........................
 

WPmaster

Yellow Belt
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....
Liver alone. Cheese mine.
 

99blogs

White Belt
Indian: I have 4 sisters and 3 bro......
American: I have no bro and sis But I have 4 mom from my first dat and 5 dad's from my first mom.....
 
F

Fantasia

Ist friend:I want to open a new business.Bt I have a problem.
2nd friend:Whats the prob?
1st friend:I need finance.I don't have money for investing.
2nd Friend:Then come with me.Lets go to a hotel.We will get our finance from there.
1st friend:Are u sure we can get finance from a hotel?
2nd friend:Yes
1st friend:How r we going to get our finance from a hotel?
2nd friend:Simple.We will go to a hotel,We will order 5 nans---Fi Nans(sounds same as Finance)
 
Honey I'm Home

Two men discuss their late night Baccarat gambling habit:

1st Man: "The one thing I hate about all this is when I go home. I try to be as quiet as possible. I turn off the headlights, turn off the engine and coast into the driveway. Then I ease open the front door, take off my shoes and sneak upstairs as quietly as I can. But my wife always wakes up and we end up having a fight."

2nd Man: "Nah, you've got it all wrong! I drive into the driveway, honk the horn a few times, get out of the car, slam the door, jump into the house and bang the door. Then I yell 'Honey, I'm home!' I run upstairs, slap her on the ass and say, 'How about a little love, woman?' You know, she never even moves!"
 

goodpeoplegives

White Belt
Vincent Van Gogh and Family


What to say when you invite the Van Gogh family out .................. Let's Gogh​
Vincent Van Gogh had a real large family. Here's a listing of some of the lesser known ones....​
The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia......................U. Gogh​
The sister who wore a mini skirt and like to dance in bars...Go Gogh​
The real obnoxious brother...................................Please Gogh​
The brother who ate prunes...................................Gotta Gogh​
The uncle who worked at a convenience store..................Stop N Gogh​
His dizzy aunt...............................................Verti Gogh​
The cousin who moved to Illinois.............................Chica Gogh​
His magician uncle...........................................WherediddyGogh​
The cousin who lived in Mexico...............................Amee Gogh​
Nephew that drove a stage coach..............................Wells Far Gogh​
Uncle who was constipated....................................Can't Gogh​
Aunt who was a good dancer...................................Tan Gogh​
 
A woman is losing steadily at the roulette tables in Vegas. All she has left is $50. Totally frustrated, she shouts out:

"What lousy luck! What in the world am I going to do now?"
A man standing next to her suggests, "Well, maybe you should play your age?"
She rushes off to the nearest table. A few seconds later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the table. Could she have won? He pushes his way through the crowd to see the woman lying limp on the floor, with the roulette dealer kneeling over her.
The man is shocked, "What happened?" he asks, "Is she OK?"
The dealer replies, "I dont know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
 
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